Updated: Nov 13, 2021
After seeing Anne off on the train the previous day, I departed the station in New Haven feeling curious, nervous, excited and open. There was suddenly a void, this huge unknown and the only thing I had to take care of was myself. The temperature dropped significantly that night. It felt 15 degrees colder than it has been the last seven weeks. The day before I was able to get gloves and a balaclava, an ultra thin body sock and a new pack cover for for this part of the journey. It made the ride comfortable. As I was riding through the dark to Milford (approx 1:15 minute ride) I felt called to stop at the beach. Testing my intuition, I got off my bicycle and walked around a building towards to water. On the other side was a man made rock pier that extend out into the ocean about 50 meters in the dark. About feet wide and jagged in its structure though easy to navigate as the click of my cleats confirmed my contact and footing. It was such a surreal feeling to be out there at night. And to discover this on the other side of the building I stopped at. It was in that moment that I felt like I could hear the rocks and the water in a different way. In a new way. Like an old friend. The music of the waves crashing lightly against the rocks and sparkling the stones below as I looked out into the nothingness of the ocean with storms, barely visible, falling on the waters in the far distance of the horizon. My first true moment of play in this part of my adventure. This outstretched gift into the ocean reminding me to continue to trust my intuition.
Photo note: image is taken from the end of the stone walk into the ocean
I returned to my bike and continued on to Milford to stay with Steve from Warmshowers, a cycling version of couchsurfing - touring cyclist supporting other touring cyclists. I wanted a buffer between worlds. He gave me the code to the garage saying he would be late. His cat, Venus, would welcome me instead. She announced herself with a persistent meow almost as soon as I arrived following me through the window into the garage.
The space was full of projects and creative equipment. A stairway led me upstairs where a futon bed and a pool table, that would become my storage shelf and the Venus’s launching pad on to the back of my shoulders, resided. Venus was all over me. Clawing her way over my chest on to my shoulders where she comfortably dropped herself for the next 30 minutes while I settled in. It was impressive to say the least. Endlessly sweet, what a wonderful way to be welcomed into the space. Even more impressive were the plastic food bags that were sitting on the bed when I arrived. Something I had been needing to consolidate my green protein power from Elm Street Market in New Haven into and, incredibly, there on the bed it was. Later Steve would generously gift one to me. Turns out they are food bag for use with bears. Epically large in size and perfect for what I was needing After riding with a paper bag full of gifted recently expired goods from Elm Street Market for whom I am forever grateful.
The food bear bags on the bed when I arrived
The space was cold though that was good for me as much as I was not enjoying it at the time. Always wanting to remember that it is just a feeling. Consequently, I got to test out my new fabrics and see how everything held up in an environment that didn’t have any heat yet was sheltered. A good bridge.
Steve arrived about an hour later and me gave me the low-down Offering me a warm conversation and hot shower before connecting with Anne. She had arrived safely back in Arlington, MA after a really intense last week. It was sweet to see her so comfortable as her presence was equally comforting for me. I did some writing, watched some Netflix and eventually fell asleep around 2am.
The next morning I woke up around 8am and just stayed there in bed taking in the new space and circumstances I was now choosing to be in with regard to money, shelter and very soon, GPS. My dream had since become more vivid and lucid. It feels like something is waking up inside of me.
Venus and I
Steve said I could stay an extra day if I wanted. I took him up on it thinking I could get the website caught up and ground before I left into this phase of my journey. I was wrong. I got out my hammock and tested it to see how everything held up and felt, listened to Abraham Hicks to try to shift my energy. I could feel my body going into fight or flight with regard to blood flow and heat in my core. I think I took 3 showers just to warm up and tried to work on my site though after a little while I couldn’t feel my fingers (the heat wasn’t turned on in the house for the winter yet) so I went for a walk in the sun to warm up.
The anxious energy, which I define as energy connected to an old story in my physiology that wants to be felt and used to create something new though is experiencing some sort of resistance. An energy that was buried in the body was ready to be felt because it resonated with the current circumstance. Perhaps a homeopathic version of what has happened in the past in this life time or another. It, and the old story, are coming to the surface of the body to feel. It was strong. I cried a lot, wondering why I am doing this and knowing that I can’t really know until I move into it. Only that it is calling me. That more would become clear as I continued to trust and say yes to the universe, my fears and the strange calling that was and has been this trip for what feels like eons. So I didn’t get a lot done that day except feel. That night Steve, his cousin and wonderful roommate were at the house and he made us an incredible spaghetti and shrimp dinner with an incredible potato dish on the side and chocolates for dessert. It was epic. He also left me some bread and peanut butter for lunch and a bag of trail mix for the next day. Both of which I was so grateful for. As much as I am biking it doesn’t take much to fill me. After 1 and a half peanut butter sandwiches I was good. I’m eating a lot slower with more presence and enjoyment of the food I’m experiencing. I believe that most people eat to suppress a feeling or to because it is a pattern. This process is, like most bike tour, is hyper sensitizing my palate creating a more full experience with eating. I’m actually enjoying really taking my time. Stretching out the experience as long as I can and taking it in. When we experience our food we are typically satiated faster, I believe, because we are more present and having an experience whatever that experience may be rather than to get ride of a feeling of hunger. It’s an interesting side benefit and my body is reflecting it.
I was just noticing today how much more sculpted and powerful my body has become. I’m able to see the definition of the architecture of my body again - taunt, athletic, radiant and balanced. Now, I just want more flexibility. To open up my body to a greater range of motion and expression. To have more flow of energy. It feels good.
The next morning I was curious how far I would be going. Brooklyn was about a 83 mile ride, which was fine, though I was moving slow and didn’t feel the desire to push it. I want to learn to listen more instead of just get somewhere and only feel the exhilaration of the speed and the power of my body along the way. I would be passing worlds of people and experiences every day. Some that were calling me though I would never feel if my only focus was to get to X. Experience is everything. I want to learn how to interact and flirt with life along this journey. Though the cold weather has raised the ante. Another interesting component. Why I have chosen all four at once I may never know (money, elements, food, gps). I often have no idea why I am doing certain things though every time I’ve trusted the call the rewards have been priceless - even other worldly.
So I looked at the ride to NYC (I was still using GPS) and there was a warmshower in Stamford. I had reached out twice and not received a call back. I took it as a sign to play with the universe and see what would happen if I just trusted. I felt called to Greenwich, CT. A good halfway point Though no warm showers to reach out to. To trust or not to trust. I could feel my split energy though I felt more curious than anything wondering what surprises the universe had in store for me. I wasn’t hungry so I just got on my bike and headed that way curious what the day would become.
Venus and Ares